Growing up I was never the “rebellious” teenager. I didn’t go against my parent’s wishes (all be it they were very fair and caring with me), I listened to my teachers and took schoolwork seriously, and I didn’t act out by getting into trouble with friends (think… tagging spray paint on the wall of some building).
At that time, I wasn’t very aware of why I acted like this. After graduating from college in my twenties, I remember reflecting on my teen years and being grateful that I didn’t get myself into any real trouble and positioned myself for a successful career.
I revisited these thoughts when my wife and I decided to have a baby. My son wasn’t even born yet and I was already trying to figure out how to influence him to live a good life. After a lot of self-reflection, I came to the conclusion that there were two things that greatly affected my happiness and success …
Respect and Responsibility
Before I get into more detail to express the importance of this for your life, here’s a quick overview:
Respect – Respect for others. For their feelings, their time, their possessions, their struggles, their position in life…
Responsibility – Responsibility for yourself. For your physical health, your emotional health, your education, your relationships, your goals and attaining them, your fears and overcoming them…
As you read through, think about your personal connection with respect and responsibility and how it’s impacted your life. Ask yourself…
Are you respectful of others? When have you been disrespectful and how can you learn from it?
Are you responsible to yourself? When have you made decisions that are not good for you or avoided making a decision altogether out of fear, and how will you change that behavior in the future?
Quick note… even though this post begins with “respect”, I’m going to jump into “responsibility” first. I would have flipped the title around but it just rolled off the tongue better this way (darn marketing 😊)
Responsibility
In his book, Taking Responsibility: Self-Reliance and the Accountable Life, Nathaniel Branden describes responsibility as:
“The practice of self-responsibility begins with the recognition that I am ultimately responsible for my own existence; that no one else is here on earth to serve me, take care of me, or fill my needs; I am the owner of no one’s life but my own.”
“I have the choice to operate mindfully or mindlessly or anywhere in between. I am accountable in any issue for the level of awareness I select.”
“Self-responsibility entails my willingness to be accountable for my choices, decision, and behavior.”
So, what does this mean for your everyday life?
It means that it’s on YOU to put in the work, the hard work, to make your life what you need it to be. To think deep thoughts. To ask yourself difficult questions, like why you feel and act the way you do, and what you want for your life.
To hold yourself to high standards. To try and make good choices and decisions in every aspect of your life. To take the necessary steps to achieve your goals and face your fears. To ask for help when you need it.
I know none of us are perfect, but if you try your best to do this throughout all of the areas of your life (family, academic, career, relationships, etc.) you’ll be taking the steps necessary to succeed at your goals, build good relationships, and overcome your fears.
You’ll feel empowered, build pride and confidence in yourself, and have fewer regrets.
I’m not saying this is easy. In my experience, most things in life that are valuable aren’t. But ask yourself this…
Isn’t my happiness worth the hard work?
Isn’t it better to put in the effort to build good habits and make yourself a better person, than to try and overcome all of the pitfalls that go hand-in-hand with falling asleep at the wheel of your life?
So take action!
Take action to better yourself. List areas in your life where you are being irresponsible. Where you know you’re making bad decisions out of fear or weakness (no judging … I do it too) or burying your head in the sand and avoiding uncomfortable situations altogether.
Then list out the opposite actions and write the responsible decision for each item … if you need help, reach out to someone you trust for honest feedback.
I hope this approach gives you an easy way to figure out the areas in your life where you can become more responsible and ultimately happier and more successful.
Leave a comment below to share… It would be great to learn what you’re working on.
… Now on to respect.
Respect
Respect your parents…
Respect your elders…
Respect your teachers…
Respect your neighbors…
This is what we were taught when I was a kid. When I think about it, we were taught to pretty much respect everyone. To live by the “Golden Rule” and treat people how you wanted to be treated.
“Give to every other human being every right that you claim for yourself.”
~ Thomas Paine
Now, a logical place to start off would be to discuss “self-respect”, but that goes hand-in-hand with being responsible to yourself and everything covered earlier, so I’ll move on to “respecting others”.
I think (and hope) that at a basic level, most people know right from wrong. They know that they should be mindful and considerate of others. Not to purposefully hurt their feelings, destroy their property, waste their time, speak badly of them, etc.
What’s more difficult, however, is finding a way to be respectful of others even when you disagree with them. To treat them well even when you have a totally different point of view.
This doesn’t mean you have to like them… and by all means, don’t surround yourself with people you don’t like if you can avoid it. But you’ll inevitably find yourself in situations such as school, work, and even around family, with people you disagree with.
If you can’t find a middle ground with someone, you can always agree to disagree. Sure, maybe that person won’t become your best friend, but they don’t need to be your enemy either.
Treating everyone you encounter with respect will enhance the positive relationships in your life and minimize the negative ones. Those times when you’re forced to be around colleagues or “friends of friends” who you disagree with will be all the easier for it.
In the end, just try to treat everyone well 😊
