Love yourself first. There’s a reason this is my life philosophy rule #1 and even though I learned it at a very young age, I didn’t fully understand its impact until I was much older.
When I was a kid and my mom would put me to bed at night, we’d pray and thank God for all of the good things in my life and name everyone I loved (don’t worry, this is not going to get religious 😊).
One night I remember very clearly listing out all of my immediate family members, saying…
“I love mom, dad, and my brother.”
The next night, same thing…
“I love mom, dad, and my brother.”
But this time, my mom said…
“Wait, you forgot someone.”
I couldn’t think who it was, so I listed out some aunts, uncles, and cousins. When my mom told me that it was good to include all of them but that I was still missing someone, I even mentioned our dog (he was my best friend growing up). She then told me that the person I left out was… Me!
So, I started over…
“I love, mom, dad, my brother, and myself.”
The next night, I thought I had it. I said I loved my mom, my dad, my brother, and now, myself. My mom’s response…
“Good, that’s everyone, except, you got it in the wrong order.”
Since I didn’t understand what she meant, she said…
“It should be Rob, mom, dad, and your brother.
You should come first! You should always love yourself first!”
Now, remember, I was only about 5-6 years old, so this was as far as the conversation went. I’m sure some of you are thinking, “Well that sounds pretty selfish”, but I didn’t take it like that, I knew that I was supposed to care for my family and friends and be kind to other people. I’ll elaborate more in just a bit.
As you read this, I’m hoping you will start to look more deeply at yourself.
How do you see yourself? Do you love yourself?
I know we all go through difficult times (I could write an entire book about my troubles) and none of us feel perfectly content day after day, but putting yourself first, loving yourself first, will help you get through the days that aren’t so great. Remember…
“You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like you”
(20 points if you know where that quote’s from and comment below …Hint: SNL 😊)
As I grew up, I didn’t realize what an impact this concept would have on me. Even though I was shy around new people, the idea of loving myself first gave me a great sense of self-confidence at a foundational level and taught me to only do good things for myself and stay away from things that could hurt me (like smoking, drugs, etc.)
As a grew into my dating years (super awkward for me by the way) this had a huge impact on how I allowed myself to be treated. Even though it was a confusing time as I tried to figure out who I wanted to be with, I only gravitated toward people who treated me well and sincerely cared for me.
The times when relationships got toxic (for lack of a better word), I had enough confidence in myself to step away from them. If you love yourself first, you won’t accept people taking advantage of you or treating you badly.
There’s a great line in the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower that sums this up…
“We accept the love that we think we deserve” ~ Stephen Chbosky
When I heard this line in my adult life, I thought it rang very true and was thankful that I learned this at a young age.
Now, if you ask anyone who knows me well, they’d tell you that I was the “strait-laced kid” growing up; always following the rules and not getting into much trouble. Some more rebellious personalities reading this may think that’s boring, but caring for myself kept me out of trouble and set me up for success in school, work, and relationships.
Now that I’m raising a son of my own, I wanted to pass this on to him. When he was old enough, I started having the same nightly conversation that my mom had with me.
Since he’s a smart little man, my boy reminded me that I once taught him not to be selfish, and said “Isn’t loving yourself first selfish?”
As a parent, this is where you start sweating… your kid catching you in a logic trap! 😊
Luckily, I was able to think on my feet and lie! (just kidding)
I did come up with a way to differentiate the two and told him that being selfish is a bad thing, but not that same as loving yourself first. Since I could tell he was still confused, I said…
“Loving yourself is more like ‘Self-care’ instead of being ‘Self-ish’ ”
There’s nothing wrong with putting yourself first… caring for yourself first. In my opinion, you can’t love or care for others until you do yourself. This is like the oxygen mask on the plane analogy.
During a pre-flight safety check, you’re told to put on your oxygen mask before helping others (even your kids). Why? Because if you don’t take care of yourself first, you could pass out and not be able to help anyone else around you.
As a parent, I definitely struggle with this and tend to put my son’s needs before my own. But logically I know that if I don’t take care of my own needs (health, etc.) sooner or later I won’t be in a good position to take care of and be with him.
To wrap up, if you understand this concept and feel that you know how to treat yourself well, then I’m very happy for you. But if you struggle with this, find ways to work on yourself. Whether it’s getting your physical health in check, organizing your life and priorities, or seeking a mental health professional.
We all need help sometimes. You’re worth the effort!
